December 31 – the last day of the year. Time to take a few moments to reflect on the highlights of 2013. Some technologically forced reflections have been available for weeks to help with this task. This, for example, appeared on my Facebook timeline:
A look at your 20 biggest moments on Facebook.
Frankly, it looked suspiciously like 2012, but with more directives and a slightly larger font (and now in United Nations baby blue, I might add).
But this Year in Review app most certainly does not accurately reflect my “20 biggest moments from the year”. Some of the pictures were not even from 2013! So, in what has become an annual tradition, I’m taking charge of my Year in Review and creating my own”Best of My Facebook Status Updates”of some of the funniest moments for me in 2013. (And if you like this post, you can also check out Best of My 2012 Facebook Status Updates and Best of My 2011 Status Updates.)
Best of My 2013 Facebook Status Updates
#25 The fifth graders are studying puberty, so the dinner conversation was interesting. It was a spectacularly unfortunate coincidence that we grilled tonight – and tubular meat products were on the menu.
#24 Some families set a place for Elijah. Our family apparently sets a place for Trouble.
Eliza (age 8): “Are you drinking barf?”
Me: “Yes. I threw up in the smoothie machine and added a banana. Now I’m drinking it.”
Eliza: “Is this called ‘sarcasm’?”
#22 I’m helping my 7th grader study for his Tom Sawyer test. So I showed him the classic Rush video. To which he responded, “Mom, this is not really helping.”
#21 In 5 minutes, I have to give a lecture on international human rights mechanisms to a class at the U of Iowa Law School. Unfortunately, I just figured out that since it is via Skype, they will all see how messy my office is. Gotta go stuff some documents in the closet and sweep some files under the rug…
#20 “When in doubt, add cheese.” This is the kind of advice I give to my daughter.
#19 Positive things about below zero weather: I stuck the tragically unchilled bottle of wine outside for 5 minutes. Now it is cold (and DE-licious!)
Mom, when I grow up – if I’m a teacher – on the first day of school I’ll pull down a map of Europe and say “I see London. I see France.”And I’ll be wearing, like, really bright pink boxers or something and I’ll have my jeans low.
So then I’ll turn my back to the class and pull down another map and say, “Class, what else do you see?” And the kids that raise their hands and say, “Mr. ___, I see your…”
Well, that’s how I’ll know who the troublemakers are.
#17 Note to self: Be careful doing laundry this week. Very, VERY careful!
#16 My flight out of Delhi was cancelled, so I was re-routed through Paris. Perhaps the only major airport in the world that smells of fresh-baked croissants at 6 am in the morning!
“Simon, turn off the TV.”
“I can’t, Mom! Everything I need to know about life is on Dr. Who!”
#14 Home! And, as always when I return from the developing world, I am feeling so thankful for clean air, hot water, high-speed internet, urban planning and traffic control – and a democratic system of government that is not perfect, but which functions smoothly and provides us with services without corruption. Perspective is a valuable thing.
#13 Lady behind me at the grocery store: “Girl! You’ve either got a big family or you’re done shopping for 2013!
#12 First week back at school update:
Eliza (grade 3): “What’s the difference between fiction and non-fiction again?”
Simon (grade 6): “Non-fiction is real. Like Facebook.”
Eliza: “So what is fiction?”
Simon: “It’s fantasy, it’s not real. Like Facebook.”
#11 The Polly Pockets were willing to sacrifice their heads for the opportunity to skydive off our back balcony.
“Mom, do you have a name for our toilet?”
“No.” (pause) “But something tells me you might.”
“Yeah. Our toilet is named Bob.”
#9 (The next day) I have been informed that the gender of our upstairs toilet “Bob” has been reassigned. Depending on who you ask, she is now either “Tina” or “Betsy”.
#8 Well, at the request of one of my sons, I bought ramen noodles for the first time in 25 years. Still the same price – 29 cents. The way I figure, it’s never too early to prepare them for college.
Eliza: “Hannah says that when I grow up, I should be a doctor.”
Me: “I concur.”
Eliza: “An American Girl doctor.”
Me: “I retract my previous statement.”